based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
