Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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