I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
