I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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