your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
