Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
