Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
