today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
