yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
