Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
