Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
