I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
