i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
