So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
