only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
