Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
