I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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