remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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