you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
