I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
