Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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