I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
