If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
