this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
