dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
