Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
