Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
