TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
