The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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