I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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