Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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