Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
