last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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