It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
