glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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