I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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