If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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