You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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