In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
