Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
