Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
