I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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