dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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