Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
