For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
