So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
