i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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