He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
