hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
