I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
