Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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